


If I Fall Along the Way

by InTheWind



Series: Living [2]
Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: F/M, spoilers for episode 1x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 21:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5681830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheWind/pseuds/InTheWind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It shouldn't be so complicated. Just touch me and then... well, just touch me again.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Leanne turns to Cole for comfort after a visit with the drunk driver who killed her family fails to bring the closure she was hoping for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Fall Along the Way

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the episode description for 1x14, "The Fifth Stage".

Neal leaned against the hood of his car, pretending to be immersed in some journal article on his phone as he waited for Leanne to emerge from the visitor's center at California State Prison. He'd spent the last hour trying not to think about what a terrible idea this was; he'd just barely contained himself from telling her as much when she asked him to bring her here, knowing that nothing he said would deter her from confronting the man who'd drunkenly killed her family. But now, alone with his thoughts and the desolate landscape, he was growing ever surer that this was a mistake. He had almost made up his mind to go in and get her when the door opened and she stumbled out into the daylight. The look on her face exceeded even his wildest fears.

As she got closer, he realized she was shaking. Her eyes were distant; he wasn't even sure she saw him until she got in the car. Wordlessly, he did the same.

“Leanne, if you want to—”

“Just start the damn car. Please.”

Neal did as he was told. He suspected the reason he'd been asked to take this little road trip instead of Jesse was that the  nurse had a way of wheedling truths out of Leanne that she wasn't ready to admit. Determined to respect her need for space, Neal drove back to the city in silence, occasionally sneaking sidelong glances at his passenger. She spent the entire ride back staring motionlessly out the window with a vacant expression; he tried not to let on how much this worried him.

Night had fallen by the time he pulled up in front of her apartment building. She barely waited for him to stop before scrambling to get out of the car, but before he pulled away she leaned back into the open window. “Hey,” she said. “Thank you. For doing this... and for not making me talk about it.”

He nodded. “Leanne,” he started to say, “You know—”

“I do,” she interrupted, giving him a small smile. “I know you're here, and I appreciate it, I just... I can't.”

She turned to go. Knowing there was nothing more he could do for her tonight, Neal watched her get safely into her building and drove off.

*

Leanne made it as far as her front door before the thought of coming home to an empty apartment became too much to bear. She couldn't call Neal or Jesse—she could tell it had been killing the former to leave her be for as long as he did, and she knew the latter would  effortlessly reduce her to the weak, sobbing mess she was desperately trying not to become . But she had the night off and needed to go somewhere, so before she had time to think twice she was in her car heading for Cole's place.

Her heart hammered in her chest as forcefully as her fist on his front door. He answered quickly, dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt and looking surprised but not at all displeased to see her.

She barely waited for him to step aside before entering his apartment. She didn't even realize she was shivering until he put his hands on her shoulders to steady her.

“What's wrong?” he asked.

Leanne shrugged. “I, um... I went to the prison today. I went to see the man who took my family from me.”

Cole looked bewildered. “Why?”

“Because I've been so angry for so long,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes. “I've spent three years thinking that anger was all I had left, but then I almost lost Jesse too and I realized there's so much more than that. And he said that all he wanted was to see me live again, and I've been trying—I've been trying _so hard_ —and I just thought that maybe if I saw the man who killed my husband and my son and my sweet baby girl, maybe if I could just talk to him I'd feel differently. But I don't. I tried, but I don't.”

“You don't owe him your forgiveness,” Cole said gently. “He sure as hell doesn't deserve it.”

“I know that,” she said, her voice breaking. “But it's so much more than just him. It's like there's this rage in me all the time, just bubbling under the surface, and it scares the hell out of me because I don't think it'll ever go away. It just blocks everything else out and I'm afraid I'll never get past it.”

He didn't know what to say to that so he held her, wiping away the tears that had begun to slide down her cheeks.

“I'm sorry,” she said after a minute. “I'm such a mess. I came here because I didn't want to talk, and then I couldn't shut up.”

“Shh,” he said. “I'm glad you're here. But I'm curious... if you didn't want to talk, what did you come here for?”

She buried her face in his chest for a second before looking up at him. “I don't know,” she admitted. “I guess I just wanted to feel something besides pissed off for once.  T he last time I felt something good was with you.”

Cole pressed his lips into the top of her head, momentarily rendered speechless by her honestly. “Just tell me what you need,” he said finally. “Anything. I'm here.”

Leanne looked up, straining her neck to see his face. “Just touch me again,” she said, a quiet desperation in her voice. “Please, I just... I don't want to feel like I'm broken anymore.”

Cole nodded. He reached down to smooth her bangs out of her eyes, tracing a soft line from her forehead to her temple as he tucked the hair behind her ear. His hand cupped her face as he drew her into a slow, sensuous kiss.

This was exactly what she needed. For a few short hours, Leanne felt almost human again. The anger was still there, but there was something beside it too, something she wasn't quite naive enough to call hope. Whatever it was, she supposed it was a start.


End file.
